Garments of Praise
I've often referred to God as the "Grand Weaver." And He most certainly is... the weaver of lives and families and our stories. A friend shared a few pieces of her story recently, and I was compelled to look for a poem I had written years ago when I found myself in a similar place of barrenness. My journals are far from organized but I was actually able to find it right away leading me to think I was being led to share it with her.
I have brought that particular journal with me for the Easter weekend at the Lakehouse. And again, opened to a 15 year old entry that I don't believe was happenstance. The following are some segments of that entry:
"A new season or trial can hit with such a huge bang! This is hard.... a stretching, a tearing; where is peace during this? It hurts. It's unfamiliar. It's risky. It's scary. It's vulnerable. It's raw. It's unsafe. It's like death and letting an old way or pattern of behavior die. It's something only God can do. Yet I have to cooperate. I have to be the clay at the potter's wheel, the thread in the weaver's hand, the fabric that has to be cut, or torn, pierced with the needle over and over again, binding me to something new. It's exhausting to walk it out - feel it out. The stretching and tending is tangible. I FEEL it. Rend: to tear apart, pull, or rip with violence. To tear (one's clothing) to show grief, anguish.
There is much more to the journal entry, including some personal stories of rending... maybe another post.
The Rag Coat was a favorite children's story. Young Minna's family cannot afford to buy her a coat for the winter. The community women gather and create a coat for her from various old family garments, each piece a memory. Her father had died and even a piece of his worn jacket has been woven in. I can't help but think of Isaiah 61:3, beauty from ashes, joy instead of mourning and the creation of a garment of praise.
So often the pieces of our lives make no sense. They seem so disjointed and confusing leaving us to wonder what the future could possibly hold that could be good. Yet, there is a story being written and a coat being created with its many pieces woven in over time. Each piece has meaning. Each one matters and is part of the Grand Weaver's design. I suppose our challenge is to trust Him in the process. He has the pieces. He holds the needle and thread and He has the vision.
I wrote the above days ago. I continue to think on this... Meg posted something by Brian Simmons about letting go. He referenced Abraham and all the letting go he did... his home, his people, his material goods and finally his willingness to let go of his son Issac. Today feels more poignant. I think on things that need letting go of in my life in this time. I believe God is highlighting some of them and bringing them more clearly to the surface of my mind. You may have heard the term "soul ties". I somewhat understand the idea. These are deep issues in our souls and we don't always understand why they are so strong or where they come from. As I think on these things, I realize how very tightly they are tied, all the "pieces" of the fabric of our lives. Maybe they were already present and sewn in and consciously or unconsciously through our lives, we have even reinforced the seams, tied these things ever so much tighter. As I sit with these thoughts, I realize I cannot untie these myself. I haven't the power. I need a helper. You may be familiar with the scene in Voyage of the Dawn Treader by CS Lewis when cousin Eustace is trying to remove his dragon scales. After much effort, he realizes it can't be done. That's when Aslan steps in.
"You will have to let me undress you," said Aslan.
I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but l was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.
The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt.
"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off-just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt.
...and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been."
Until I read this reference again, I had forgotten that Aslan used the term "undress". It doesn't get anymore vulnerable than that. We haven't the power alone to remove these deep soul tie pieces of us. The rending has to happen for us to be free. Maybe it's just letting the One who is able to come and do the rending. It is severe. It is grievous and painful for it has been a part of us. But it has to go. It has to be released and sewn back in to a new garment where the memory remains, the memory of the power of God to set us free, to create something new, a garment of praise. And perhaps when this has been done, we realize we don't faint. We stand straighter and we are planted of the LORD, for His glory.
Writing all this brings a flood of more thoughts and ideas of what God is up to when these seasons come. I apologize for the length of this post. But I also see the benefit of a follow-up, even if for my own need to put it in print.
"And He who sits on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' And He said, 'Write, for these words are faithful and true.'"(Revelation21:5)
Well, I wrote as faithfully and true as I know how. He is making all things new. That includes me. And that includes you.
